The Christmas season can be tough on a single.  There is this buzz in the air of romance and magic.  Nearly every Christmas special on TV includes a pair of lost souls finding each other and falling Christmas Treemadly in love.  And the current Christmas songs?  Yep, so many of them are all about love:

·         All I want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey

·    Under the Mistletoe (Shorty with you) by Justin Bieber (when he’s not chasing down strippers and prostitutes around the world)

·         Baby Please Come Home for Christmas by U2

·         Blue Christmas by Elvis Presley

·         Merry Christmas Darling by The Carpenters

·        Last Christmas by George Michael  (ok in this one, he gets his heart ripped out and is now, apparently, single—therefore, acceptable.

Holiday movies?

·         The Holiday

·         Love Actually

·         The Family Stone

·         Bridget Jones’ Diary

 Is it any wonder I watched “Contagion” on Christmas Eve last year?  Nothing says Christmas like a nasty virus sweeping the nation.   Especially when accompanied by wine and rum balls. 

dancers copyThen there’s the plethora of Christmas parties.   The worst ones?  The ones that include “the dance” portion—where all of your coupled-up friends dash up to sway to the music as the first notes of Stairway to Heaven grind your eardrums (yes, I realize i just dated myself).  And you sit there, politely sipping (chugging) your wine and looking around to see if there are any other poor suckers left sitting at their tables too.   There is.  It’s that weird guy from payroll that keeps his fingernail clippings in an old matchbox in his desk drawer.  Or so you’ve heard.    

Christmas day with the family.  Everyone is there with their significant other.  Your mother looks at you with a mixture of disappointment and pity in her eyes, and asks “Have you met anybody?  No?  You never should have broken up with so-and-so.  He was such a lovely boy”. 

Sound familiar? 

No, mom, he wasn’t a lovely boy, he was a jerk and he liked to wear my underwear. 

burglar-157142_640“What about that dashing fellow you dated after him?”

Umm, he dashed off with money he stole from me.  Good news, though!  I just got it back after only one year in small claims’ court.  Winning! 

Don’t worry, the questions, the hopeful looks?  They will go away.  By 40(ish), Mom will only be casting injured glances your way, silently reproaching you because you’ll never give her the grandchildren she so desperately wants.  That, you can deal with.  So be patient.    

That is why dating websites are so frickin’ busy this time of year.  It makes everyone a little more tuned into being alone, and they hastily throw up a profile and start looking for love.  So up goes the profile, only to promptly receive three separate requests for booty calls from guys 25-30 years younger.  Another message from Mr. Faisal in Afghanistan, Buddy-boy from India, and a federal marshal from the U.S., on the other side of the continent.  Hmmm….

Your friends, well, they are certain you’re just too picky. 

Damn straight!  You’ve got standards that go beyond not being on parole and wearing an ankle bracelet.

So you face the Christmas season solo.  Tips and tricks to get you through?  I got you covered, sista!

Sorrento, Italy

·         Plan a holiday over Christmas.  Get out of Dodge.  Preferably somewhere hot.  Nothing makes you feel more confident and sexy than rocking a golden tan when everyone else is pasty white.  Or Paris.  Always ample eye candy just roaming the streets.  (Yeah, I couldn’t afford one either…)

·      Amarone red wine   Alcohol.  It’s so simple, and makes every awkward social situation go a little more smoothly.  Don’t overdo it, of course, or you could end up waking up in the front bushes with vomit on your shoes (if you still have your shoes).    

·         Who says wine can’t be a date.  Throw a bow tie on a nice bottle, and you’re good to go. 

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     Throw your own Christmas party.  You’ll be so busy being hostess, you won’t care that you don’t have a date.  And neither will anyone else.

·      New year's Eve serenade   Alternatively, hold a “Bring a Single” New Year’s Eve party, asking everyone to bring a single friend or acquaintance.  Maybe meet some new people, or maybe make a match or two. Or you might just get serenaded.  Either way, not too bad a way to ring in a new year!

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     Don’t feel compelled to attend every freakin’ Christmas party out there.  Opt out if you want, fill a water bottle with your favourite wine, and head to the admit onetheatre to see a movie.  Don’t forget to take the bus home.  Damn, now that’s a good night out, with no one whispering plot questions in your ear at the most crucial moment of the movie.

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    You have a staff Christmas party you feel like you just can’t skip out on?  Remember, at least you’ll never be the gal with the obnoxiously drunk husband/boyfriend/date that throws up in the poinsettias.

·         Hit the gym.  A little extra exercise is always a good thing, and is a natural mood booster. 

·         When you get asked if you’ve got a boyfriend yet, just smile mysteriously and say that you’re only taking lovers at the moment.

·         Rent an entire season of Elementary and spend the evening in with Jonny Lee Miller.   

·         Buy yourself a hot new outfit and schedule a girls’ night out, even if it’s just two of you. 

·        Two words – emotional simplicity.  Enjoy it!  There will be no going into work an emotional wreck because you had a big fight with him the night before.  There will be no stressed out, manic days wondering if he’ll ever call again.  There will be no evenings crying in front of your computer, stalking his Facebook and wondering who what he is doing when he texts you to say he needs some space.

·       Almalfi, Italy  Refuse to feed into the emotional hype/myth that Christmastime has to be a magical time of year when everyone is blissfully happy and wishes just might come true.  If you don’t equate major religious significance to December 25th, then it really is just like Sunday dinner at Mom and Dad’s—but with presents.  And it’s a free pass to stuff your face with shortbread and trifle for at least one day of the year.  You can get back on the healthy eating wagon tomorrow. 

 

Merry Christmas Singles!   See you on the other side (aka 2014) for more adventure, solo or otherwise!